Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And then my night got REAL pukey
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
