Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
