My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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