just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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