I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
