Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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