my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
