Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
