good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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