Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
