you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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