girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
