She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
