When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
