My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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