I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
