that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
