with your own penis?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
