He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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