she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
