lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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