I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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