It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
