i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
