I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
