I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
