ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
