listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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