Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
