his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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