Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
zippers are such a cool invention
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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