Princesses don't give blow jobs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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