Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
