You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drake has all the answers
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
