miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
