Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
