I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
