woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
