You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
