About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
