told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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