I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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