good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
