Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
