Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
