maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
