I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
