Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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