I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
