i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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