He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
