My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
