That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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